eyes

     Over the weekend i went on an STLF tour to do service work with thirty other high school students from the Twin Cities area. Not only was it an eye opener to the difference kids like us could make on someone else's life and the environment, but i also learned so much about people and how they interact. Every night in each city we did an activity to connect the group as a whole and "bond" us together so we could relate to each other more. The second night they had us all line up in a circle. Our leaders then broke us up into two groups- one large circle, and one circle in between that circle. We were told to face each other (inner circle looking out, outer circle looking in) and stare into each others eyes. If we made any noise we would have to close our eyes. I was in the inner circle, and i turned to face my partner: a tall, handsome boy with dark hair named Blake, who i had learned earlier was a junior at Eagan High School. At first I didn't understand what they wanted us to gain from this activity. Not only was it completely random, but i soon found it impossible to do. Within seconds of us gazing into each others eyes there was an immediate laughter coming from half of the circle. I myself tried not to laugh, but was unsuccessful. Our leader told us to close our eyes. We did. "Reopen" she said.
     Again- instant laughter. Close your eyes. Open. Laugh. It took many times for us to do it right- and even then it could only last a minute or two. During those minutes, i found it to be very awkward. I was looking up at Blake, his eyes staring down at me. The corners of our mouths were pulled up into tight smiles, hiding the imminent giggles behind them. I would glance at the floor for a second, look up. He would look behind me a couple times, then meet my stare. We were told to switch partners. Again and again we did this with different people. Our eyes closed and reopened too many times to count. And with everybody it was the same- awkward. So awkward.
     Why is it uncomfortable to stare into someone's eyes? We do it everyday when we hold conversations. We can look into the eyes of our loved ones, best friends, companions. Don't i look people in the eyes when i talk to them? Yes... briefly. More often than not I am aren't completely focused on that person for more than a couple seconds...minutes even. Staring into someone's eyes is so intimate and the activity made us uncomfortable. But why? Do we not take enough time to look at people when we talk to them?
     When these people were looking into my own eyes, i felt exposed. I was left with no guard, almost like they were staring freely into my soul. I know that is over dramatic- but that is what it felt like. It felt like they were sharing a part of them to me without even saying a word, and i to them. It was belittling and that's why i looked down at the floor. So is that why we have trouble keeping our cool? Is it awkward for us to share ourselves with others like that? Is it that we don't want to? Is it because we don't want these people to know what's inside of us? Why can't we simply stare into each others eyes for minutes, with no awkwardness?